Sometime your mind and body do not agree and for me that is defiantly what is happening. Now I’m not old by any stretch of the imagination at least I’m not if your an adult, the children I work with think I’m ancient. The grey is starting to appear in my beard and I’ve been going bald for years now. In addition to this 7 years ago I took on a management role and went from being on my feet for most of the day to being sat at a desk for a lot of my time. This means a significant reduction in the amount of physical exercise in my day. I haven’t adapted my diet at all, well not in a good way resulting in an expansion in my waistline.

Well seven years and nearly 3 stone (42lbs) in weight later I have started to make some changes in my life. I haven’t been mentally well for some time now and whilst I’m not completely better things have improved significantly I’ve decided that it’s time to get fit and lose weight. This it turns out is not particularly easy, I have in my younger days struggled to gain weight so on the occasions when I have through inactivity, I just started exercising again and in a few weeks it was all gone. That is not the case now, I may have to start eating more healthily. This does not make me particularly happy, but that said I gave up smoking a couple of years ago (also something I didn’t particularly want to do) and now I can’t imagine having a cigarette.

This is not however the biggest issue, what I eat is about will power not easy but nothing but me is in the way of achieving it. My body however is a whole different story, it seems to have taken on a mind of its own and it regularly doesn’t do what I ask of it. I’m am not and have never been a high level athlete but I have been very active and competed at a reasonable level in Judo as well as doing a number of other sports. Regardless of how good I was something’s were always true, what I lacked in skill I could to some degree make up in enthusiasm, I was fit enough that it didn’t prevent me from keeping going and I could shrug off minor injuries or just ignore them. It never took too long to heal.

This is no more, my body is on strike. My brain says do this and my body says let me think about that and get back to you. I’ve started playing squash again, something I used to do for an hour and a half each week after the first few points I’m thinking there has to be a way to win without moving, there isn’t. Then the competitive spirt kicks in the adrenaline flows and I forget that I’m not 25, this ends abruptly when I foolishly throw myself at the ball in an attempt to stop it going past me. The millisecond of joy that comes from hitting the ball and seeing it sail towards the front wall ends abruptly with two realisations that almost happen simultaneously, but not quite. 

1) The ball is going to go in but it is going straight to my friend and opponent for this game, he is going to win the point and the sod is going to love ever second.

2) I can’t stop and the wall is approaching, I am going to hit it, it’s not going to be comfy.
The things I didn’t realise in this moment and that I did come to realise fairly soon after this were in this order.

1) I don’t bounce flex or give anymore, this is strange because I used to be thin and athletically muscular now I not thin and it I am muscular it is in no way apparent, there should be more padding and more bounce, there isn’t.

2) The wall didn’t flex or give, now this should be obvious I know but it’s amazing what doesn’t occur to you until you run straight into it.

3) Despite significant padding over most of my body I do still have bony bits, specifically my elbows. I knew this because I was now trying very hard to look like I was shrugging it off whilst trying not to lay down and cry.

4) Following any form of physical exertion my body feels like it has been run through a mangle, a feeling which persists for a number of days.
I am going to stick with it, assuming I don’t do myself irreversible damage in the meantime, I will find time to cry, time to curse the very existence of hurting body parts and time to enjoy the process. Here’s to fun, getting fit and the pain that goes with it.
Aspie and Proud

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