For the last week and a half I have as much as possible dropped out, devoting what spoons I have to the essentials to get through the day. This is largely due to the avalanche of problems that hit in one week from which I am yet to recover and in part because of the journey I am continuing along to discover myself and where I fit in the world.
On the upside I am learning about myself and why I do the things I do and whilst the change this is bringing about will I believe be positive in the long run, they are in the here and now painful at times. I am finding that over the years I have put many defences in place to protect me from the world around me, building coping strategies that have enabled me to function and get through the day. These have been toxic and I am slowly stripping them away as I recognise them, this processes is both very rewarding and painful. Finding myself and learning to be who I want to be fills me with great satisfaction, pulling back my armour and defences leaves openings for assaults that I am having to learn new healthier ways of managing. It’s a journey and one that I am realising has only just started, it isn’t easy and I feel more fragile than ever whilst being happier than I can ever remember. I am going to need to drop out from time to time, recuperate collect up my spoons and then carry on. I will continue and I hope that those of you who read my blog will bare with me at times when I’m dropping out it won’t be for long and I will be back. I hope to be back up and blogging at least three times a week next week.
Aspie and Proud

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