I can’t shut it out, the worlds volume has been cranked up and it hurts. It’s to bright, to loud to confused. Smells mixs with images which in turn encompass sound, then my skin feels like even the air moving passed it is like sand paper. I’m hot and cold, then it seems to all muddle it’s self up it’s one thing. My senses feel like they are turned up to ten and then amplified. I just want it to stop, I want the pain to go away. I want the world to stop trying bore into my head, to stop trying tear me into pieces whilst at the same time crushing me. I’m collapsing inwards whilst, whilst exploding. Nothing makes sense My head, oh my head; there is a siren in there it won’t stop it’s constant high pitched scream.

I want to sleep, embrace the blackness, the peace, the void that envelops me and takes it all away, for a time anyway. I want to scream and shout and jump up and down, listen to loud music and overwhelm everything block it all out with input of my own choosing. Losing myself in my mess and chaos, blocking out the worlds.

I’m stuck between the void and the overload, unable to do or find either. It’s all one big contradiction, I can’t cope my body is heavy and slow my thoughts are being drag to the surface through a thick sludge. It brings with it a feeling a nausea that joins everything else fanning the flames that are burning there way through me heightening and immobilising everything. I want to scream but I can’t. I’m shutting down.

I’m writing this now as I feel it, I wanted to get it down to share what I could whilst I could. More for me I think. I see you on the other side.

Aspie and Proud

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